Would you or wouldn’t you?

Do you feel judged loving FSOG?

starfish

I’ve been asked an interesting question and I think it’s a valid one (thank you to the reader who brought it up). Will you go to the movie theatre to see the FSOG movie (whenever that will be) or will you rent/buy the DVD so you can watch it privately? Is FSOG your dirty little secret or are you (happily) out of the erotica closet?

There still seems to be a huge stigma attached to this specific book, not to mention the erotica genre in general. Even things like e-readers advertise the perk of enjoying your secret reads in privacy. On E L James’ website she calls herself a provocative romance writer and though I love the term enough to have adopted it for myself, I can’t help wondering if there was a part of her that felt the pressure of judgement writing something so south of the belt.  Still so many people only know about the sex in FSOG, automatically assuming that it’s some deviant, kinky sex book. In a world where we are more sexually liberated than ever, why are so many of us still feeling condemned indulging in something that’s fictional, natural, consensual and – for the most part – within the confines of a loving marriage?

Psychology 101 tells us there’s a social bias called illusion of transparency where people tend to overestimate others’ ability to know them, and they also overestimate their ability to know others. By this construct people might not judge us as harshly as you think, and by the same token those same people might very well enjoy the same things you do even though they might not be able or willing to reveal it.

 Source: Wikipedia.

With this in mind I’m almost certain that your “prim and proper” colleague/ friend/ neighbour would love FSOG as much as you do if she only bothered to give it a chance, and even if she didn’t, might think less badly of you than you think….

I hate doing this to you two weeks in a row, but we have a swimming carnival on at school this week and it’s all hands on deck, so I will not have my usual off day to finish chapter 41 in time for Friday’s post. I’m sorry!

Hopefully I can post over the weekend. 

sorry2

52 thoughts on “Would you or wouldn’t you?

  1. Audrey says:

    Very valid point!!

    Its funny how people assume they knew about the book without reading it. Personally… I would be one lf those waiting in line in cinema even if i go solo. YES I WOULD!! There!!… I said it. Hahahah

    Its almost like SATC the movie. Remember those time? Those who disnt watch SATC would also assume its a series about bunch of girls and sex. Welll…that too!! Lol..

    Anyway… I for one have no problem to be seen in line for FSOG the movie. I have the paper book and bought it with pride!! LOL
    I think if people would judge me for it.. Its their problem.hahah and if anyone dare come and tell me their assumptions i would probably ended up nagging them to read the book or drag to the movie with me. Lol!!

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  2. tracy5678 says:

    To answer your question, yes, I plan to see FSOG at the theater as long as I like the actors they choose. I’m afraid if they don’t pick the right people it will ruin it for me.
    You are right though, some people just don’t get it. I don’t talk about the genre I read where I work as I know I will be judged and my “character” is important for my employment. I’ve had this discussion with you before, but where I work, educators never leave the classroom, they are not romantic, and they certainly don’t get into kinky f*ckery!… or they are “BAD TEACHERS”. I’m sure some of my colleagues share the same interests, but my administration and my students’ parents might think otherwise. Therefore, society forces me to keep it “a dirty little secret”. I do love that I get to share my thoughts here though and I appreciate that you take the time to reply. You are one very busy person. Btw, don’t feel like you need to apologize for not posting on Fridays…you know us, we know that the longer we wait, the better it is! 😉

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  3. Franne says:

    You raise a great question and I’m happy to offer some thoughts. First, I will see the move in the theater (only if I like the cast since I don’t want anything to ruin the images I have in my head and heart). I am a huge FSOG fan and don’t feel shy about stating so. i’m out of the closet completely and have strong feelings about how “sexually liberated” our society really is. My opinion is that here in the US, contrary to what one sees, there is an unhealthy obsession with sex becasuse we actually repress sexuality so it appears in very unhealthy and vulgar ways. FSOG is an eyebrow raiser because people are uncomfortable owning a healthy sexauality and, rather, have been conditioned to channel that energy into other, really vulgar expressions of it. Personally, one of the most intriguing aspects of this story is the love story and the psychological study of these two complex characters. i’ve read the books 4 times and each time see something or feel something different. And the extra bonus, it has sparked wonderful connection between me and my husband, who also read the series and loved it too. I love erotica…as long as it’s well written and has a story i can get into. Sad that people don’t understand that sexuality is a healthy part of their being. They are missing a huge part of being alive. Thanks for asking the question.

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    • Valerie says:

      Well! I was going to post my own comment, but this post said it all for me! Well said, Franne! I’ve read these books more than once and I’m not afraid to say it. Who cares? It’s the love story that draws me in. And yes, I will go see the movie 🙂

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    • Monique Lain says:

      Awesome reply and I for one couldn’t agree with you more. Sex has been taken out of context completely, sullied with the meaningless approach that Hollywood often takes, and in essence FSOG is more fairytale than Cinderella can ever hope to be. I find it quite hard to imagine that a woman would want anything else… especially if you can stand back and see the bigger picture of adoring, almost worshipping love Christian has for Ana.

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  4. grublue says:

    If the movie is made to my taste (right actors, erotic tension, suspenseful, not cheesy), I’ll watch it at the movies, preferably with my future boyfriend. 😉 (I don’t have one, and honestly, it’s a tiny little bit frustrating, especially with all the erotic literature all-around…:-))

    I’m pretty private, so I don’t spread around my liking for the books, but I don’t deny it either when asked. People who know me well know about my fondness for a little kink, and we love discussing the books with each other. Others are surprised and try to pick on me because they perceive me as strong and indipendent and they cannot imagine why I would like these “women repressing” books. My answer in this case is, that I’m happy to discuss the matter as long as they are actually interested in my point of view, otherwise it’s just a waste of time and energy.
    Under certain circumstances I like to “shock” people a bit and say things such as “Why, surely you would enjoy a good spanking? Because I sure as hell would.”, with the result that they can’t tell whether I’m serious or not. 🙂

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    • Monique Lain says:

      I agree with you Grublue but I fear Hollywood butchering it… I guess I can say I follow the same strategy as you do, speak openly where I feel my words will be welcome but try to be sensitive to those situations where I might offend though I won’t lie about reading and writing it if asked.

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  5. Andrea (And1rea) says:

    I don’t know yet. Depends if I like the actors will I go locally. Of course I say locally but I would more than likely drive to the opposit side of town to watch the movie to lessen the chance of running into someone I know. Awful I know. Also there was talked amongst FB FSOG authors/readers to make a trip to Seattle for the movie. If that really does happen then I would go with the grouanp regardless who the actors are.

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  6. Your blog today was very informative and thought provocking.
    after I first read FSOG and may I say more than once I wanted more but did not know where to find more authors like this That book awakened something in me that was so lacking that I wanted that void filled. I thought I was going nuts so I spoke to my Dr and she said it was perfectly normal for a woman my age (63) who’s husband was no longer interested in sex (at least not with her)
    My curiosity led me to all kinds of web sights until I founf yours You have suggested such great books and you comments and jokes are great I look for wardard to all your posts I am out of the closet I tell all my friends about the erotica books
    some of the buy Others borrow
    some are still in the closet I buy new books everyday I have pages on my kindle I still have to read I’m never far from my next book
    I feel so much better about myself I escape through thses characters and stories for a little while each day It has saved my sanity Thanks for all your help

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    • Monique Lain says:

      Eileen, that’s just awesome and once again one of those examples that shows exactly the reason why this series is as fantastic as we think it is! Brining people together, woman finding themselves and lighting a spark that might have been sleeping… I love your comment! Thank you for sharing!

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  7. 1klkelly says:

    I plan on seeing FSOG in the theater with my bestfriend. My hubby can reap the rewards after. 😉 I know many men that wouldn’t watch “Brokeback Mountain” however, I talked my husband into it. He ended up telling his male friends and co-workers what a really good story it was. Some of them refused to believe it. I guess my point is, not to judge.

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  8. Sheila Hall says:

    I read in our newspapers all the hype about the new woman porn book called FSOG. Thought nothing of it as I tend to find things out for myself and not listen to the critics, I have found that I have enjoyed books or films that the critics have slated – perhaps I have bad taste, who knows. Anyway back to FSOG, my friends who had read the books were not the type to deal with porn, so not to be outdone I bought the book. What a fantastic read, so, there was some sex in it, who cares, to me it was a love story between Ana and Christian.
    The one thing my friends did not tell me was it was Trilogy I had only bought the first book. The next day I dragged my husband out of his comfy armchair and got him to drive me to the supermarket where I bought the first book and bought the second and third books. I have no hesitation in telling anyone that I have read the books or that I have read it umpteen times (lost count of the actual times).
    As for the film I most certainly will be going to see it and buying the dvd when it comes out. I know which actor I would like for the part of Christian and for Ana, even if they do not get the parts I would still like to see the film and watch the dvd. Even if my husband does not want to see the film I will go on my own, I do not care if I get strange looks, I want to see that film!
    Love your Sassy Starfish, and the photo of the ‘Sorry’ dog. Please, there is no need to apologise for delaying chapter 41, we will still be here when you are ready and go enjoy your carnival.

    p.s. I could go with Audrey then neither of use has to go solo 🙂

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    • Sheila Hall says:

      sorry, do not know how to go back and edit a comment, above should read neither of use has to go solo.

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    • Monique Lain says:

      Just to start off with Sheila we know that you don’t have bad taste, 40 million people can’t be wrong! 😉 I would so go see the movie with you if I could! 😀 The starfish is fantastic right? I just had to work that in somewhere, just too good not to share!! Thank you for always understanding, I know I put the pressure on myself but I hate feeling like I’ve let people down. I’m working on it… 😉 Love the comment, loud and proud baby! 😀

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  9. SusanW says:

    I will definitely be seeing the FS movie in the theater, and it doesn’t matter to me if I go by myself or with a friend. (If any of the readers here are in the Milwaukee, WI area and are looking for a movie companion, let me know! We’ll work something out.) At this point, I feel so invested in the story that I don’t even care who they cast in the movie. Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman as the leads? I’m there. But seriously, while I don’t go around advertising the fact that I’ve read the books (“How do you do? I’m Susan and I’ve read FSOG.”) I have no problem telling people that I’ve read it and recommending the books when it arises appropriately in conversation.
    I do find the descriptions of the story in the media to be aggravating. Just this week I saw a headline regarding the actress from the Harry Potter movies. It said that she was denying that she was going to be cast in the “bondage flick.” It’s not a bondage flick, it’s not a BDSM manual, Christian isn’t an evil guy, and Ana is not a spineless shrinking violet. It’s basically a big-ass love story fairy tale, in the very best way. I understand why the media plays up the BDSM thing — it gets attention. But to me, the real point of the story wasn’t the mechanics of their physical relationship (although the mechanics make for a fun read!), but the fact that both characters were willing to make big changes in their lives in order to find a way to be together.
    And Monique, I agree with the other posters here — don’t feel the need to apologize for the late posting of the next chapter. We know that you have a real life to attend to and besides, one of the things we all love about Christian is that he really knows how to use the concept of delayed gratification. We all know that it will just make the payoff that much better 😉 !

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    • Monique Lain says:

      Whahaha, Uhm, I think – at least for me – that will definitely be a NO! Just the thought had me cringing but I agree with you, my own level of investment is DEEP! I also love that you brought up the fairytale thing. I just mentioned that in another reply but FSOG is more quintessential fairytale than Cinderella on a good day!

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    • 1klkelly says:

      LOL, Susan! How do you do? I have read FSOG too (Many times). To all on here- it would be fun to fill up theater(s) with us to watch FSOG. We could all do a dinner discussion about it after.

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  10. Janien Meissner says:

    Yes, I am going to see the movie! I would love to go with all the fans that are writing here! Imagine how that would be in a cinema! Lol!
    Last Summer I had a wonderfull time reading FSOG! I still don’t know why it was grabbing me so much but it did! And I think there are many women like me. It was the lovestory that did it for me, I couldn’t get enough of it. But people keep talking about the bdsm. It makes me really angry sometimes. Are we stupid that we like the books? I don’t feel stupid. I am glad that I discoverd them. And if you don’t like them, it’s fine but don’t judge me for being a big fan! And I have a lot of fun writing here and talking about FSOG. My best friend hasn’t read the books and by now, after all the (wrong) publicity, she’s afraid to. What a shame. I wish people kept an open mind and tried reading before listening to critics ! Xx Janien

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    • Monique Lain says:

      The ironic thing is that the BDSM aspect of it is actually so small and taken out of context in the book. he did it because he didn’t have a choice… it was s means to an end. Love that you;re wearing your FSOG love with pride and that you’re still on the high that it put us all on. 😉

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  11. Sue says:

    I have given this quite a bit of thought ever since I heard there would be a movie. I have to say that mostly I wish it wasn’t to be made. In my experience the movie of a loved book never lives up to it. Whoever is cast and however well it’s made a Fifty Shades film can never capture what’s in my imagination. I also don’t want what I see when I read to be changed by what I see on the screen.

    Having said all that I know there will be a film so what to do? I could never avoid seeing it (it’s going to be a massive release event after all) so I guess I will go to the cinema because I couldn’t bear to wait for the DVD release. I suspect there may be a call for my colleagues to make it a girls night out but I think I will also want to see it alone as well. Lots of the girls I work with have read the books but none of them are obsessed with it in the way I am. The question of being embarrased doesn’t come into it with them.

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    • Monique Lain says:

      On some level I agree with you, they can’t screw it up if they don’t make it right? Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be able to wait for the DVD either, curiosity will just be too much… 😉

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  12. Monica says:

    Hey, Monique. I’m so sorry you won’t be posting on Friday. But I totally understand being a mother of two myself I know how crazy life can get. About the question about being judged for loving FSOG, well all I can say is that sadly people even now in our days are closed minded and because of that they don’t bother to look beyond what they have judged. As for me, I’m looking forward that in a near future I’ll be going on a date night with my hubby to watch the FSOG movie. No shame on that, right? There just has been a lot of negative critics because of the explicit content, but I say it’s because they don’t look beyond that. I’ve always seen these books as a deep and intense love story between a young woman eager to learn and find her place in this world and a young man who despite of his success still has to fight against his personal demons. They find each other and give each other what they can’t get anywhere else. Most importantly, even though the difficulties, they find love, and it’s reciprocal and that alone I think it’s a miracle. And I think a story like that is worth reading about. You know the saying: “Don’t judge the book by its cover”? Well I say: “Don’t judge the book by the snarky reviews from prejudiced, frustrated people.”

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  13. Andrea says:

    I will for sure be going to the movie when it comes out, either alone or with someone else…and will of course be buying the DVD the day it comes out 🙂

    I do talk about the book to some people…then again there are others that don’t know 1)that I’ve read them & 2)how obsessed I am with them and all of the fan fic that is out there. Some I’ve talked to have only heard about the book or read the fist book and think it’s all about the sex…I TRY to tell them it goes way deeper than that and they have to read all 3 books to get that…the sex is AMAZING…but their relationship and the struggles each one has with themselves & each other is my “more”. I can relate to some parts of their inner “demons” a little and I think that’s what draws me to the books. And who doesn’t want to have that experience of being wanted and where just a look can constrict things below 🙂 To have that kind of connection would be wonderful.

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  14. Lynne says:

    I agree with Tracy5678 I too am a teacher and I can tell you there is one thing that does NOT mix and that is kids and porn. Well of course those of us that have read the books know that this is a love story and far from porn. However if that is the social perception and a teacher of young students is “seen” watching this movie unwelcome judgements could be made that could impact us as professionals. The truth is I learned about these books in the teachers lunch room where one after another of the teachers read it and said so. My dirty little secret is not that I read the books but that I have read them so many times and love to read fan fiction about them and enjoy following blogs where other women enjoy this couples love story too. I would share with most anyone that I read and enjoyed the books but the extra time spent is the secret. I might go see it at the theater but that’s if it is awesome and I just can’t wait. My guess is that as far as the movie goes I’m pretty sure that me and many others with conservative jobs will wait for the DVD. However I think there is going to be one hell of a lot of DVD sales and don’t think it will be just women, there are a lot of men out there that are wondering what this GREY character did to get all this attention.

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    • Monique Lain says:

      Lynne, I think you’re probably right about the DVD sales but it will be a pity if men watch the movie to get a handle on FSOG. I would much rather have them read the book, get the full and clear picture so to speak and not the highly edited version the movie is bound to be.. I think it’s important to be respectful in one’s profession and certainly with kids you do need to be careful but what you do in your private life’ providing you don’t hurt others, should definitely also be respected. Good point, thank you.

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  15. GM says:

    Consider this – when a series of books becomes a phenomenon – there are more to the books that meets the eye. With more than 40.000.000 readers – these books represent so much more than “just” being books about sex and BDSM.
    I wrote a post on my own blog (in Danish sorry!) about it. Because to me – and many women I asked – these books were about so much more than sex. We live in a time of spiritual awakening, spiritual change. A time where the power of the feminine is in focus. I know – feminine power is so much more than sex. Its also about balance, hart, love, body, mind, spirit, power from within, primordial force and life force among other things, as much as it is about sex.
    Many women have come in contact with there feminine sides by reading these books. The way C loves, looks at, desire, protects, admire A and the way he completely worship her body and the fact that she is the centre of his universe – who wouldn’t be smitten by that. Who would not want to be the centre of the universe for someone. At least for a while 😉 The story takes us in – the love between the two – some little part of us becomes the feminine character when we read FSOG. Yes the sex is there – but it never becomes really messy and dirty. It’s the underlying energy that is the most important. So whoever wants to makes this a book just about the sex, they completely missed out on the essence.
    Of course I will go see the movie. And it can’t come soon enough.

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    • Monique Lain says:

      So well said GM, we discussed that same issue a little while ago and came to the same conclusions. The thing that so captured our imagination was definitely the kind of man CG is. What is your blog about?

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      • Gitte says:

        I love that you take time to comment the comments 🙂 Says a lot about you 🙂
        My blog is connected to my webside. I’m a healer and clairvoyant. I don’t do lots of post’. Mostly when I feel there is an spiritual energy to a subject that is overlooked. (Of course seen from my understanding, I’m quite aware of that :-)) Maybe I should translate the post into english – mail it to you, if you like it and need a guest writer one day, you can use it – or not 😉

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  16. Lillimarlene says:

    Reading the responses to your question, Monique is so interesting. I’m sure that I will go and see the movie, depending on the cast.

    I am a member of two book groups, one face to face and one on-line and both have had very interesting discussions about FSOG. It’s surprising the response from members who have read all the negative publicity and then go on to actually read the books for themselves and discover how much they actually enjoy them. This led to a general discussion on representations of relationships in romantic literature and several of us referred to a classic historical romance, These Old Shades by Georgette Heyer. It was published in 1926 and all the sexual content happens off page but it is actually about a D/s relationship and in its own way, very erotic. FSOG is its modern equivalent.

    I know of published authors of erotic romance who have never told their friends and families what they are writing about and in fact write in secret. Society is still so prudish, particularly when it comes to female sexuality.

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    • Monique Lain says:

      Yep, such a pity. Liberal where they shouldn’t be and conservative where they could do with a lot more open mindedness. I’m glad you enjoyed the question and the responses. Always nice to get the different points of view.

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  17. Katherine says:

    I plan on seeing the film with the girls from work first – we have made a pledge to all watch wearing Ben Wa balls for the first showing – so that’ll probably be only me again 🙂
    I will also go with my hubby then of course I will buy the DVD
    I have no doubt that here in Northern Ireland we will have some Christian groups outside the cinema protesting it happens quite often with any film that is not the “norm” (in their opinion)
    I would listen to then and enjoy our debate but I have no doubt that they will not have read the books so that pisses me off.
    I only hope that the actor who plays Christian doesn’t break my heart!
    I don’t mind sharing my obsession with FSOG with other fans but when you are speaking to people who haven’t read the books giving their opinions it really gets my goat up.
    They are making judgements on something they haven’t taken the time to read and I get very embarrassed trying to justify myself

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    • Monique Lain says:

      LOL! Oh Katherine, I think you’ll have to do some checking beforehand! 😀 I agree with you re their choice for CG, I hope they realise how much is riding on their decision! Yes, you are certainly out of the closet madam and I salute you for that! 😉

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  18. Jo Fergus says:

    I am definitely going to the movies to see this, I don’t care what anyone else thinks, the only thing that will ruin it for me is if the actors aren’t people who I envisioned playing Christian & Ana.

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  19. DianeG says:

    No thoughts or hesitations….I will be at the theater, grinning like a Cheshire cat on the first day of it’s release. I must admit to being slightly apprehensive about the cast, but will push that to the back of my mind as I look to actually visualize the things I’ve had in my minds eye all this time. I pray I am not sorely disappointed. I do think the books have gotten a horrendous knock with the ‘mommy porn’ label. The love story is what’s drawn me, hooked me, and addicted me to these two great characters. But lets not get it twisted the sex is phenomenal and is equally as big a draw, it’s just so naughty and forbidden who wouldn’t want to read about it, it if she’s not willing to participate, for now. I wonder if time will show them as one of the great American love stories of the British type that Ana is so smitten with.

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    • Monique Lain says:

      The “mommy porn” label is ridiculous to say the least! Goodness, have these people seen what’s out there??? And it’s such a shame that so many people will miss out on reading it for that reason alone! I agree, FSOG will forever stand in a class of it’s own! A true cult classic!

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  20. Audrey says:

    Cant agree more!!!

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