1. refer to judgement or consideration
2. yield to the control of another
3. refer to another person for decision or judgement
4. yield to another’s wish or opinion
These are just four of the ten definitions that Wordbook offers, though I think we can all agree that, from a BDSM point of view, these are the most relevant ones, but why is the issue such a controversial one, and why is it taken out of the consensual context?
Most of us hate being told what to do and the nature of submission is exactly that. No matter how you sugar-coat it, the power exchange will be unpleasant in everyday life, but why is being TOLD in the bedroom (within limits – of course) such a turn-on when we’ll resent it in any other area of our lives?
Personally I think one of the biggest contributing factors is the freedom. We are so busy in our daily lives, and have so many roles to play, important decisions to make, that not having to make any can become a very enticing and liberating option. Secondly, and this is really the point I want to make – the CONTEXT makes all the difference in the world. Not only is BDSM submission consensual, but takes place within the framework of a loving, and if not that then at least mutually agreed upon, foundation. It may not be for you, and that’s okay, but just for a moment, let your imagination take you to a place where your partner takes charge of your pleasure, which in turn, gives him pleasure, and most importantly, makes him responsible for your level of sexual gratification, and if YOU so choose, even your emotional gratification.
The “ownership” concept goes hand-in-hand with this, and is there to set the mood, to mould your frame of mind. Again, if you give it some thought, it’s too easy to say no when your boundaries are being pushed, too simple to stay in that comfortable sexual rut you’ve been in, but when the choice is taken out of your hands, you can free yourself of the over-thinking that we so love to do. The context, once more, is the key. For some reason the connotation between submission and slavery, and thus also ownership, is so embedded in people’s minds that they can’t overlook the dark and the ugly that we connect with being forced to do something, (and rightly so), but you are NOT being forced into anything if the submission is consensual.
It does not mean that she’s a useless piece of garbage without a spine. In fact, it means she is strong! In the face of the powerful instinct to hold on to our hard-won independence, it takes a tough, confident woman to submit to the will of her man.
This is the journey that Ana takes, the discovery she makes. At the same time Christian is on his own path learning to deal with the messiness of love and the out-of-control emotions that comes along with it, but they come together and forge a new way, their way, outside of the stark lines that he proposed in the beginning, but still within the BDSM picture – because really, what girl can say no to the combination of CG and multiple orgasms, huh? 😉
I’m not trying to talk you in to buying your first set of cuffs and whip, but as this is FICTION, relax into the canon of the story, and have some fun with a world that you might not want in real life, but can appreciate for the fantasy that it is 😉
On the movie front:
Here are some titbits from the movie making
Photo montage style:
Also, I should be updating Meander by next weekend some time 🙂