I don’t often…

… get on my high horse, but recent events on my blog has left me with something to say smiley



1. refer to judgement or consideration

2. yield to the control of another

3. refer to another person for decision or judgement

4. yield to another’s wish or opinion

These are just four of the ten definitions that Wordbook offers, though I think we can all agree that, from a BDSM point of view, these are the most relevant ones, but why is the issue such a controversial one, and why is it taken out of the consensual context?


Most of us hate being told what to do and the nature of submission is exactly that. No matter how you sugar-coat it, the power exchange will be unpleasant in everyday life, but why is being TOLD in the bedroom (within limits – of course) such a turn-on  when we’ll resent it in any other area of our lives?

Personally I think one of the biggest contributing factors is the freedom. We are so busy in our daily lives, and have so many roles to play, important decisions to make, that not having to make any can become a very enticing and liberating option. Secondly, and this is really the point I want to make – the CONTEXT makes all the difference in the world. Not only is BDSM submission consensual, but takes place within the framework of a loving, and if not that then at least mutually agreed upon, foundation. It may not be for you, and that’s okay, but just for a moment, let your imagination take you to a place where your partner takes charge of your pleasure, which in turn, gives him pleasure, and most importantly, makes him responsible for your level of sexual gratification, and if YOU so choose, even your emotional gratification.

The “ownership” concept goes hand-in-hand with this, and is there to set the mood, to mould your frame of mind. Again, if you give it some thought, it’s too easy to say no when your boundaries are being pushed, too simple to stay in that comfortable sexual rut you’ve been in, but when the choice is taken out of your hands, you can free yourself of the over-thinking that we so love to do. The context, once more, is the key. For some reason the connotation between submission and slavery, and thus also ownership, is so embedded in people’s minds that they can’t overlook the dark and the ugly that we connect with being forced to do something, (and rightly so), but you are NOT being forced into anything if the submission is consensual. 

It does not mean that she’s a useless piece of garbage without a spine. In fact, it means she is strong! In the face of the powerful instinct to hold on to our hard-won independence, it takes a tough, confident  woman to submit to the will of her man.

This is the journey that Ana takes, the discovery she makes. At the same time Christian is on his own path learning to deal with the messiness of love and the out-of-control emotions that comes along with it, but they come together and forge a new way, their way, outside of the stark lines that he proposed in the beginning, but still within the BDSM picture – because really, what girl can say no to the combination of CG and multiple orgasms, huh? 😉

I’m not trying to talk you in to buying your first set of cuffs and whip, but as this is FICTION, relax into the canon of the story, and have some fun with a world that you might not want in real life, but can appreciate for the fantasy that it is 😉


On the movie front:

spoiler alert!!

Here are some titbits from the movie making


Photo montage style:



Also, I should be updating Meander by next weekend some time 🙂

22 thoughts on “I don’t often…

  1. debbie says:

    very well said!


  2. Sheila H. says:

    All I can say is well said Monique. In my younger day I would probably have liked someone to take control in the bedroom. It would have to be only the bedroom, I have a smartmouth like Ana so during the day it would frustrate me. It is each to our own, and if BDSM rocks someones boat then I will not judge them, enjoy it – you are only young once! Heck, I did not even know about BDSM when I was young, I might have taken a different road if I had known. 😉
    Thank you for the snippets on the film FSOG, it is going to be such a good film. The more I see of Jamie and Dakota the more I settle into accepting them as Christian and Ana.


  3. KereCB says:

    You couldn’t say better!
    Loved it!
    People get so caugh in the BDSM thing, but they don’t really know or understand the real deal.
    They don’t get that the submission is really consensual, their little minds can’t understand that.
    Anyway their lost…


  4. Katherine says:

    Good for you Monique well said but I don’t understand why you would have to defend your amazing story.
    I had to go and read your reviews from the previous chapter I’m not at home at the minute so didn’t get onto this blog to read the last chapter.
    Obviously that reviewer isn’t a FSOG fan so why read fan stories?
    Ignore her she’s obviously an arsehole with nothing better in her life and if Meander is all she has to moan about then she should count herself lucky
    Take care and keep up the fabulous work xxx


  5. Romance4me2 says:

    That was very well said, Monique. What consenting adults do with and to each other is nobody’s business. The key, as you said, is consenting. If readers have a problem with that, why on earth are they reading the genre in the first place?


  6. Fiona says:

    As always…..Well said Monique.


  7. Kf says:

    Love your story Monique. Don’t let those who perseveration on what they choose to not understand as Consensual bring you down. Looking forward to your next posting.


  8. Teadora Morgan Hill says:

    Monique, that was so well written! Just beautiful. I hope the education you just gave for free is taken to heart by minds willing to hear the truth. Even if someone chooses not to engage in A safe, sane and CONSENTual bit of PLAY and FUN… it can certainly feed someone’ fantasy life even if the fantasy stays in someones head. I so agree with you. It’s FREEDOM and a Gift…for those who enjoy it. Some people like wasabi, some prefer traditional peanut butter… some like neither, some… both. Variety and the freedom to choose… Buffet! 😀


  9. Janien says:

    O Monique! Here we go again! I really cannot understand why people bother to read a story they don’t like and have to be so…..nearminded about it. Your story is fantastic and I totally love our two. It is all about love!!!!! That is what did it for me and it still does! I have read a lot about bdsm in the meantime and I totally agree with you Monique, when it is consensual it’s fine with me. Before you form your opinion you should read more and try to understand what it is …..
    I am also getting really tired about the ‘mommyporn’ image this story still haves. Wake up women! Read and talk about it. And if you still hate everything about it don’t read it and stop blaming people who love FSOG! And Monique, ik hou nog steeds heel veel van je verhaal, jij bent de beste!!!!!!!! Janien xxxx


  10. Mrs.C says:

    Well said! It’s pretty funny those who criticize are reading your blog ( and probably will continue). Perhaps they are discovering something within themselves and are afraid to face it. Nevertheless, for those of us who appreciate good writing, keep on keeping on:)


  11. Marlene says:

    That is so well said, Monique. It should be included with the book when you — hopefully — turn it into an ebook.
    The word “collar” must have set that person off, or else that’s the only chapter she ever read. She certainly overlooked all the tenderness she claims is missing. How about all the times he declares his love .. folds her in his arms when she’s crying .. planned that intimate wedding in such a beautiful setting .. does everything in his power to make her safe and happy …. And their baby-making sex!!!!
    I love your version of their story and want it to keep evolving for a long time.


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