Chapter 71 – First Valentine: Part 1

I’m fully aware of the fact that it’s icy during February in Seattle, but for the purposes of this story, Seattle will be having a VERY warm spell… It’s fiction, after all 😉

14 February 2017

He lay there, staring at her. Every so often he would reach out and touch her because, honestly, he still couldn’t believe that she was his. It had been this way every night since they started sharing a bed again. He’d fall asleep, wrapped around her like a vine, but he was never one for hours of it, so he’d wake up around 3 a.m. and stare.

His mind would trace over the memories of her, just to make sure that the edges never blurred, and then his thoughts would drift to his son and the coming baby. Whenever he heard the words kids and his in the same sentence it shook him, jolted him like a spark. FUCK! He was a dad. It was hard enough to believe that he was married to his salvation, but he also had a living, breathing son and, if the scans could be trusted, an itty-bitty baby girl on the way who’d be sure to drive him every bit as nuts as her mother did.

At that point two things usually happened, and he replayed this little scene on a nightly basis. It always started with him examining the vulnerability of having children. Jeez, what a cluster fuck that was, he’d think to himself. He was so connected to these children, so irrevocably bound to them, that it scared the crap out of him. And hell, one of them still needed to come into this terrifying world, but already he loved her with his soul.

Pain and pleasure, he told Anastasia once, were two sides of the same coin. He was being cocky then, reeling her in with his finely-honed skills of seduction, but it sure as hell had come back to bite him in the ass. Never before had that analogy been clearer to him even though the context, and here it made him smile, had changed so vastly. The pleasure of having a child to love and the love he received in return was enough to bring him to his knees — but the vulnerability. Oh, fuck! The vulnerability left him wide open, gutted, and even sometimes bruised.

As he lay there gorging on the sight of his beautiful wife and thinking about his kiddies, he inevitably was gripped by a fear which he knew was irrational, but which he could never ignore. He had to check if his boy was safe. He never heard a peep from the baby monitor that they still used in spite of Chris being well past the age for it, but his control issues would never let him rest in peace if not for that and a hundred other things he put in place to ensure his wife and son’s safety and well-being. He was, at least for now, relying mostly on his long-suffering spouse to keep their growing baby out of harm’s way — thank goodness for that, he thought, grinning into the dark room.

Carefully he untangled himself from Ana, hating the loss of her soft warmth against his skin, which craved her closeness like a drug. To think that there was a time when he dreaded her touch made him want to kick himself. He regretted missing even a second of that bliss, especially on the fateful night he took her for the first time.

As if she were touching him now, he felt a shiver riding his powerful frame. He would do almost anything to go back in time and take her virginity again. When he was poised above her, his hand fisted around himself, his aching hardness meeting her wet folds for the first time, there was a small part of him that was distracted by the thought that she might reach up and touch him. At the time, he was relieved that she didn’t, but now he thought about what a stupid fucker he was.

He remembers how hard he took her, how he ripped through that flimsy membrane that ended up meaning so much to him, because he reckoned the quicker the better. He could feel her tense and jolt at his violent intrusion, how in spite of being so heart-stoppingly wet, her inner muscles gripped him in a fierce vise that almost made him blow his load right then, but it was that moment of his breaching that had his fantasies on fire. What would her hands have been doing if he hadn’t been such a pussy? Would she have gripped his biceps in a shocked squeeze? Would she have sunk her nails into his back? Maybe she would have clawed at his ass to grind him even deeper. Fuck! He broke out in a sweat just thinking about it.

It was, however, the only regret that he harbored of that night. In fact, every day he made love to his wife, every time he fucked her, he was immeasurably grateful that he had been her first, and not some limp-dick, fumbling idiot who would have turned her stunningly receptive body off with an unskilled touch. He loved that the dirty skills he refined were ultimately used to awaken her pure sexuality and an appetite which he knew, only too well, was almost as insatiable as his own. He was one lucky, lucky S.O.B.

Smirking to himself, he fetched a glass of water from the kitchen as he waited for his semi to go down. As always, his ability to switch moods could take him from sex fiend to CEO to father all in a matter of swift seconds, and right now his mood was turning anxious for its fix of his sleeping son.

Ever so softly he padded down the hallway, then turned the doorknob. He moved silently across the thick carpet and finally reached the bedside of his slumbering son. He dropped down onto his knees and caught his breath in the seconds before he got to see his boy’s dreaming serenity with his very own eyes.

71a

It still shocked him, how much the child looked like him. Sometimes, when he caught his own gestures in miniature form, it would be like a punch in the gut, a visceral reminder of his past that would then quickly be blotted out with a swamping relief that this copy of himself would never endure the pain and neglect his father knew.

To him it felt like Chris was a second chance; he could relive his childhood through his son and redress some of the nightmares that clung to him regardless of the efforts he made to shut them out. He was so thankful for this child, so very fucking grateful, that he mostly just felt stomped by the miracle of it.

Apart from the fact that this was flesh of his flesh, the second chance thing would have been more than enough to earn his undying love for his son, but this boy had also, unwittingly, given him something else: a gift that was so beyond measure that he would always feel indebted to this child.

It was a simple thing, really, and definitely not something he expected, but on the day he took Anastasia and Chris out for the first time, after they ran into each other on that blessed day at the zoo, his son handed him his mother. From the moment he saw Ana interact with Chris, he noticed the stunningly adoring look on her face. He knew then, with a certainty that belied his own inexperience with matters of the heart, that she loved their son — unfailingly, unconditionally. But more than that, he also recognized that look on her face. He’d seen it before — many times over. It was the look that haunted his dreams because it was the one that made him hope that she loved him, the one he saw when she turned those piercing blue pools on him, the one he cursed when he was denied the love and radiance it held.

It was a revelation that almost gave him a fucking heart attack, but in that moment he understood that when they were together, Anastasia had loved him. He was in the privileged position to be a rare keeper of that look, and the thing that surprised him most, had his thoughts tangled in knots, was the fact that he didn’t mind sharing it with his son, not in the least. On the contrary, he felt it strengthened their bond, as though they were in a special club, a secret one that held an exclusive membership of two and, as far as he was concerned, to which everyone else was mercifully oblivious — thank fuck for that, he thought. Though he kept his jealousy in check, it was nowhere near under control.

Now that they were reunited, firmly bound by marriage, kids, and their ingrained love, he needed to see that look every day. He was addicted to it. He constantly searched her face for it and he’d do anything to see the light of it. If he happened to miss it for some reason, he wrote the day off as wasted. Twice so far he managed — by the mercy of some divine power — to capture that adoration on film. He had two photos that caught her expression just so, and when he looked at them the muscles in his throat closed in and his heart swelled to bursting. He kept them in his wallet, even though the beauty of them deserved to be enlarged and displayed, but they were of her — unmasked only for him. He wouldn’t display them any more than he would her naked body. That look was by miles the hottest thing about her, made him feel like the fucking king of the world, and he relished keeping it all to himself. One day they would grow old and he was sure, like all women, she would worry if he still found her attractive, but he had zero concern about that. As long as she could look at him like that, he’d be able to nail her with a hard-on that would definitely drive his love home.

So, if it weren’t for his son, he might still be flapping about, rudderless. He might still be too terrified to give another chance to the woman who owned his heart, wallowing in the fear that the hole in his chest might never be filled again. But it was full now; it was so fucking full that he sometimes didn’t know what to do with himself.

Still, there was a part of him that he held back, a part he hid from them because the love he felt for them was so big, so heavy, he knew that it could crush them. As it was, he frequently made use of his vast reserves of willpower to gift them with a relatively normal life, when all he wanted to do was lock them up and keep them from harm. The instinct was so strong, so overriding, that he had to fight it on a daily basis. Anastasia could attest that he sometimes lost that battle, but nevertheless, she found it in herself to put up with him. It was just another thing he had to be thankful for.

He harbored no illusions about himself; he grasped how irrational he was. He knew that fifty shades of fucked up kept him dangerously close to the lines of obsession, skirting them even, and every so often crossing them, but he would happily hold back, knowing that it kept them at his side.  It always struck him as ironic that despite his past of neglect and abuse, he somehow forged this incredible capacity for love. Not that he knew he had it in him until he met her, and for that he would thank God above for the rest of his life.

Christian pulled the cover up, tucking it around Chris’s shoulders, and leaned in to press a kiss to his boy’s smooth brow. Satisfied that all was well, he could head back to bed to take his second shift of sleep in the knowledge that his precious family was perfectly fine.

When he climbed back into his marital bed, his wife stirred and reached for him. It was small things like that that really got to him, that took him by his adolescent emotional scruff and shook him with such force he could hardly breathe. In sleep, when all her defenses were down, she still wanted him: a place where she couldn’t lie, couldn’t deceive. Even though he knew these things weren’t really in her nature, the gesture was a powerful symbol of affirmation for him. He lapped it up, savoring the hell out of it, more so because it was his alone.

Christian let her curl into him. Her low, appreciative moan washed over him, making him shiver in pleasure. He could never get enough of her, and as if his body knew, his heart leaped in his chest, the earlier semi now a steel-hard rod simply because she was there and loved him. He considered waking her up, ravishing her warm, sleepy body, but the need to let her pregnant body rest overrode even this base desire. Quietly he chuckled; obviously he liked to torture himself.

He sighed with a measure of both elation and frustration, then cast his mind on his plans for tomorrow. It was Valentine’s Day, their first one together, and even though he scoffed at a single day dedicated to showing you care — he was more than happy to love and spoil her every damn day — he was keen to do the conventional thing and observe it like a regular couple would. Fuck knew, they needed more normal in their lives.

At first he made all sorts of over-the-top plans, his imagination and bottomless budget offering a plethora of hearts-and-flowers ideas, until he remembered that she was much happier when he kept things modest. What could be simpler — and more traditional — than a picnic? In their very own meadow, away from prying eyes, he could lavish his attention on her body in the cast of moonlight.

He could kill two birds with one stone, surprising her with the completed house on the sound and spending an alfresco evening amongst the long grasses and flowers, preferably with her naked, wet, and willing. His mouth tugged into a rueful curve, thinking how hard it had been to be vague about the completion of the neglected property. And it didn’t help that she was so damned tenacious at times.

A little thrill of excitement coursed through his veins — veins that were, pre-Ana, impervious to such things — when he tried to guess what she would be surprising him with. He knew she was up to something. She couldn’t lie for shit — at least not to him — but she maintained a careful nonchalance about the day that had him crazy with curiosity.

That was another thing about her that kept him in constant awe. She gave the best fucking presents in the world. Of course, he had everything money could buy. Yes, he had bucket-loads of cash, and with the addition of his treasured family, he had everything he could ever want, yet she always managed to blow him away. He couldn’t help feeling like a little boy at Christmas time.

She, on the other hand, was so easy to please. In the dark recesses of his past he had the odd sub that showed herself up to be a gold digger, and nothing turned him off more than greed. He was mostly happy to give, but he resented the crap out of being manipulated for it. That was a surefire way to get your contract rescinded and your whipped ass out on the street before you could say sorry, Sir.

Of course he couldn’t leave it at that; showing her the completed house and sharing a kinky picnic with her was nice, but not enough. No, he wanted her dripping with diamonds while he got his fill of her spread out for his pleasure on a rug in the grass.

He’d collected the piece this afternoon and was pleased that the jeweler had exceeded his brief. The necklace was one long chain made up of the faintest pink diamonds, each in a claw so delicate that it made the most of the facets on the tiny, brilliant-cut sides. The two strands would come together a couple of inches below the hollow of her throat, where they joined and would run a plunging path between her breasts.

It was an impractical piece because she would never be able to wear it with anything that would fully display it. A neckline that revealing was definitely off-limits for her. Those firm mounds were his and his alone, and he’d rather be dead than consider sharing them to that extent.

71b

Now that he thought about it, the gift was quite a selfish one, for his benefit only — but what else was new? He would be the only one allowed to trace the trail the diamonds took between those sexy twin swells that he could get lost in. He couldn’t wait to see how they sparkled against her skin, how the light refracted through the angles as they splayed a glowing pattern on her flesh.

What a shame it was a workday tomorrow, not that he would mind ditching if it meant he could spend the day between her thighs, but she had some serious work ethics, magnified by the fact that she was the boss’s wife. It thrilled him as much as it frustrated him sometimes, a feeling he’d become accustomed to since the day he first laid eyes on her. With that thought and a contented sigh, he fell asleep, her soft body molded into the harder planes of his for a night that turned out to be another restful one.

squiggle1

Mornings were usually a rush, and on this fine day it seemed to be no different. Curious as hell about what she was up to, he had little choice but to take his cues from her, ignoring the whole “Valentine’s Day” thing. However, playing it entirely cool was not in the cards for him. Much as he may have wanted to see how the day played out, he simply needed her too much, so when the time came for him to leave, he made a point of taking her in his arms and kissing her soundly.

Kissing a woman was another skill that he’d mastered while on his journey to dominance, an ability he loved to ply his wife with. Often it was one neglected by ever-rushing spouses, but that was never going to happen to them, not when her pretty, pouty mouth called to him like a siren. There was nothing quite like the feeling of her melting in his arms to make him feel like a god. He loved leaving her breathless and thinking of him and him alone for the rest of the day. It was only fair. She sure as hell did it to him.

“Dinner at seven,” he called over his shoulder as he headed for Taylor, waiting in the foyer. He hid a smile as he fought the urge to jump and click his heels together Charlie Chaplin-style because he was just so fucking happy.

squiggle1

His day was filled with all the normal business that kept a multi-billion-dollar machine ticking. The past few months stood in stark contrast to the four years of dull monotony that preceded her and Chris’s arrival into his sorry-ass life. These days, thank fuck, his motto was to seize the day — carpe diem!

By 3:30 he was feeling antsy, eager to wrap things up and spend the evening deep inside his wife. She would be dropping Chris at his parents’ right about now and then making her way home to meet him for “dinner.” From her e-mails and texts he knew she’d had a good day as she was gearing up towards the release of her first novel.

By five he was ready to abandon ship, and he did so with little regret. He acknowledged his PA as he strode past her to tap the elevator button. “Good night, Andrea.”

“Good night, sir. Do you and Mrs. Grey have anything special planned?” she asked, making conversation while he stood waiting for the elevator.

He turned around with a smile, the one his wife called his panty-dropping smile. Not that he wanted to drop anyone’s panties but Anastasia’s, and then preferably with the help of his teeth, but it was the only smile he had, so he had to make do. “Hhm,” he hummed a confirmation. “My plans are always special when they involve my girl, Andrea.” With that he stepped into the mirrored cube with a little wave and a cheerful grin that he couldn’t seem to shake.

At home he got the sense that Anastasia was dodging him. First she ensconced herself in the library and then in the bathroom to get ready. Again he mused about what she was up to. He wasn’t worried, he would know if she were upset, but it fueled his burning inquisitiveness. He suspected that she was afraid to give her game away. She knew just as well as he did what a crappy liar she was.

When she couldn’t hold out on him any longer she joined him in the great room where he was waiting for her on the big sectional. She was in a dress and, of course, she looked sensational. Hhhmmmm… he thought as he felt himself stir in his dress pants — perfect for what he had in mind. The black fabric was soft and clingy, accentuating the parts that made her all woman. And the thrill he got seeing her pronounced baby bump simply never got old. The towering heels might be a problem sinking into the soil but, then again, throwing her over his shoulder would be no small pleasure for him.

Christian stood. His eyes, he knew, were bright with desire and love and he was pleased to see the same in hers when she lifted her gaze long enough for him to see it. There were times like this when, without training or prompting, she was so naturally submissive that he was hard in less than two ticks of a second. Not because he missed those days, but because it brought out the raw man in him, an animalistic beast that lived and breathed for the company of her welcoming, compliant body.

He felt his nostrils flare with the primitiveness of it all and when he saw the spark in her eyes, recognizing the thing in him that drew them together in spite of the world around them. It was all he could do not to take possession of her there and then.

Instead he threw her a salaciously wicked smirk and, coupled with his hooded eyes, he had her panting and, he was sure, wet for him just then. “You look good enough to eat,” he told her on a low purr.

Every so often she’s shocked him with a mouth as dirty as his own. It was always stirring and so very unexpected, because to him she was innocence personified regardless of the fact that his sheets once bore the stain of her loss of it. “I wish you would,” she breathed, “long and hard.” Her tone was husky, matching the lust-filled, blue stare she was giving him without an iota of shame. It made her words seem all the more seductive, ultra heated. He sucked in a short, sharp breath and made a grab for her hand, quite literally dragging her out of the room and into the waiting elevator. The confined space did nothing to ease the humming current that flowed between them, but wordlessly they fought it, neither willing to start a rare night alone on a moment that they wouldn’t have time to see through to completion.

Mercifully, they were heading out early because he wanted to make the night last, take maximum advantage of their child-free time. He loved his son, could spend days playing with him, but he also needed to connect with his wife, and for what he had in mind they were going to need every second of the opportunity they had.

He shook his head at himself, being so hungry for her when he had her last night and the night before and the day before that. In fact, they seldom let a day go by without making love, but he craved the intensity of the times when he could lavish her with the attention of his hands, his mouth, and his brick-hard dick. To watch her fall apart because of his ministrations, again and again, is what he needed tonight and he couldn’t wait.

He caught the quick dip of her eyes as she noticed his erection, already straining against the tight span of his slacks, and he growled at her when her teeth sank into her lip as she contemplated the delights the evening would bring.

He wanted her badly and, by the flush of her cheeks, she was more than willing to give it to him.  Thank fuck, he thought as he hustled her to the car and all but tossed her inside. He might be getting into trouble for speeding tonight.

The powerful roar of the R8’s engine was exhilarating and echoed the roar he wanted to issue, to her and to the world, that she belonged to him. He was proud and damn fucking delighted to have her: wife, mother, author, and sex kitten. Again he reminded himself of his lucky S.O.B. status.

His game was well and truly up by the time they reached the tree-lined street. She was glancing at him every so often, a knowing smile gracing her full mouth; she knew what was coming. When they stopped on the cobbles, the house lit from the inside and everything in perfectly restored order, she clamped her hands over her eyes then dropped them again to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

“Your home, Mrs. Grey, is all done and all yours.” He jutted his chin toward the house while keeping a careful watch on her, eager to absorb and commit to memory every squeak and squeal of delight she deemed to share with him. He loved spoiling her; her absolute enthusiasm was a thrill to behold. He couldn’t think of a better way to spend his impressive wealth than to furnish her dreams.

71c

“It’s done?” she asked, shaking her head in amazement. She was obviously completely overtaken. Her naked joy never failed to touch him, almost undoing him.

He threw her a roguish grin, knowing that almost three weeks of half-truths and subject-changing tactics preceded this moment. “It is,” he confirmed, his baritone low and suggestive, even though he wanted her to take it all in before he took her. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.”

He loved to hear her giggle and she did that now, fluttering her lashes before leaning over the center console to kiss him. “Thank you.” She ran a palm up his shirt, her dainty hand coming to rest on his shoulder as she fixed him with a delighted stare. “I was expecting flowers at the office today.”

His poor heart tipped, then dropped into his stomach. How could he not have thought of sending her flowers? She must’ve been the only woman who didn’t get a bunch. He cursed his lack of experience with this hearts-and-flowers stuff, staring at her with a bewildered expression on his mug until he noticed that her smile didn’t falter. It remained adoring, no trace of accusation or pouting, when it hit him — she was teasing!

She would be the friggin’ death of him! He grinned, then thought better of it and brought out the big guns. He gave her his panty dropper, but in full HD. Beaming at her like that was easy when he had the emotions to back it up, and he loved watching it take effect. She blinked, then gasped, and he was sure that if she were standing he’d have to catch her. Damn straight, baby!

He took her through the house and thoroughly enjoyed watching her reactions to every little detail, but he wanted to get to the better part of the night. He dumped the small overnight bag he had Mrs. Taylor pack for them in the main bedroom, and decided it was high time to drag his wife into the meadow.

He found her at the edge of the back patio, overlooking the meadow with the tree line beyond and the sound beyond that. He sensed that this would be a happy place for them. He could feel it in his bones — all of them, he smirked to himself. Even though it took them five years to get here, now he was glad that he had kept the house.

Her sparkling eyes flashed her surprise when she turned and saw the basket and rug he was carrying, along with his smile, which he knew now veered dangerously close to lascivious. Let the ravishing begin, he thought as he stalked her already-trembling form.

He could never get enough of her responsiveness, of her blatant desire for him when all he had to do was give her a look — like now. There was nothing that drove him wilder. He had his plans for tonight reeling through his mind the whole damn day, but now came the time to put those plans in motion. He could already feel the tips of his fingers tingle with their need to skate over her bare skin.

Before she had time to negotiate or even object, he swooped down, bringing his shoulder to her waist and snaking his arm around her calves. Pushing up through his knees, she fell over his shoulder and he clamped her there, tight and secure. Good job, he thought, pleased with himself as he strode into the meadow with her delectable ass next to his cheek and her cries of protest ringing in his ears.

He carried her carefully, the precious cargo she was bearing never too far from his mind, but he liked her screaming, especially when it was in delight. Turning his head, he bit into the curve of her behind because it was so convenient right beside his face and, of course, because he loved her ass. She rewarded him with a screech and a wiggle, and it made him chuckle. As if he’d let her get away.

When they reached the small clearing that he’d had mowed just for this occasion, he let her slide down the front of his body, enjoying every soft inch of her feminine curves squashed up against him. He kept his leg anchored, forcing her to ride it on her way down, just so he could feel her heat on him. While she slid, she moaned, a sound that reverberated through his chest, darting straight to the raging torrent of blood heading south. He also didn’t mind the fact that her dress rode up while she went down and, in spite of the darkness, he thought he caught a flash of red before she jumped away to smooth her skirt down in an enticing display of modesty. He knew a blush accompanied her nervous giggle at his overt display of testosterone. He sure as hell was happy to cop a feel of her anytime, anywhere, and he could never be ashamed of that.

It was weird, he thought, that when he could have all he wanted, when he had one of his compliant, willing subs before him, he would have never wanted her the way he wanted his wife. And never more so than when she was all demure, shy even. He burned to rip that dress to shreds and fuck her well into next week. He didn’t bother dwelling on it though, mainly because he thought he’d figured out why. The first time he made love to her, his first vanilla encounter, had taught him something that all his training never had: love made one helluva difference, despite the fact that he was too blind to realize it at the time.

He shook out the rug and she helped him unpack the basket while he encouraged her to make small talk. He wanted her to relax and eat before they began; she was going to need her strength. When she passed him a plate and smiled down at him, he mentally congratulated himself on sprouting this fine idea.

“This is lovely, Mr. Grey, I feel very spoiled. Thank you.” She kissed the tip of his nose as he sat there feeling ridiculously smug.

He didn’t want to put her off her food, but it was time to kick it up a notch. Slow seduction was his forte and she was getting it in spades tonight. “You’re welcome, baby.” He let his words hang, fooling her into thinking that it was all he was going to say before he dropped the first of his teasing bombs on her. “You’d better eat up. I don’t know how much longer I can wait for that dress to disappear.”

The hitch of her breath was exactly what he was hoping for when he teamed his words with the darkening gaze that always bore a touch of his Dom alter ego. She stopped mid-chew and, now that his eyes had adjusted to the dark, he could really appreciate her flush as it crept up from the dip of her dress between her breasts.

He had to adjust himself, but he did so in the full knowledge that she was watching him, telling her that she was the reason he was already this hard. His restraint slipped a little when she hissed through the teeth that bit into her bottom lip. That was another thing that never failed to get him — that luscious lip and the perfect teeth sinking into it made him want to come in his pants.

She resumed eating, but her pace had definitely slowed. Now she was doing it for his sake alone, he knew, because it was hard for her to eat when she was that turned on. They watched each other, hardly tasting the feast they had before them, and he let the tension build by being close enough to touch her but not lifting a finger to do so.

She dabbed her mouth with a napkin and her eyes turned playful. Oh, here it is, he cheered silently, soaking in the exhilaration. She was going to take her moment now.

“I have something for you, too.” Her smile was small, bashful.

For a beat he closed his eyes at the delicious anticipation unfurling in his belly. This was a whole new thing for him, this bubbling excitement he felt when she was pleased with him and dishing out gifts. He analyzed his reaction to death but he could only draw one certain conclusion: it was the deliberation she put into her presents that captured his heart so completely.

She rooted in her handbag and came up with a wrapped rectangle about the size of a book. He caught the fleeting apprehension that told him she was unsure about what he would think. He didn’t understand why; even if it were socks, he’d love it because it came from her. But her concern was there nonetheless, so he resolved to gush regardless of what it turned out to be. He doubted, though, that his reaction would need a boost. Experience told him that this would be valuable beyond measure, just like all the other times.

She scooted closer and presented it to him, her eyes cast down as though she were offering it. He didn’t hesitate to take it. Curiosity was roaring through him as he made light work of shucking the wrapping. He was surprised, but no less delighted, when he realized that it was her book. “Wow, baby, that’s fantastic. The first of the first editions! I hope you’ll sign it for me.” He beamed and gave her a wink before staring at the cover that read Anastasia Grey. His heart was pounding, happy, and so damn proud.

When he looked up he saw her frown, then shake her head, her smile a little embarrassed. “Uhm, not the book so much as the inside.”

For a moment he was confused until he found the dedication page. Yep, she did it again. He grew hot as his throat tightened and his heart set off on a sprint.

71d

Holy mother-fucking shit! She dedicated her book to him, made an extremely public and honest declaration of love — and possession, he didn’t mind adding — that grew a fresh layer of healthy flesh around his heart, the same heart he long ago thought was forever dead. He fucking loved the way she was healing him.

Even though he wanted to jump onto her, he couldn’t find the coordination just then. He took a breath and a minute for himself to recover before shaking his head at her in amazement. “I don’t know what to say, baby. I can’t imagine being more touched.” He was sure she heard the crack in his voice as his gaze dropped back to the words that she wrote there just for him. He wondered why she was hesitant. What’s not to like? Anything that decreed that she was his made him want to pound his chest like a fucking gorilla.

He was relieved when he saw her beam, all apprehension gone. Now she was the holder of a smile that was his undoing. He knew she was about to say something, probably that he was welcome, but he didn’t wait for it. Without so much as a pang he forgot his carefully-laid plans and tackled her into the spongy grass. He took her mouth first, showing her with his tongue and his teeth just how much her gesture meant to him. He tasted her, licked her, nibbled her, and teased her until he knew that he’d get her off with very little effort on his part.

He broke away, then sat up, lifting her astride his lap in a single move. “I want to get my mouth on every single inch of you.” He heard the raspy rumble in his own voice, knowing that the sound of it would push her into a frenzy.  He wasn’t disappointed when she ground herself against his bulging crotch, mewling in desperation for the friction that would have her coming all over him.

He pushed his hands underneath her dress, skating his palms up and up to rid her of the barrier between them, then caught his breath at the sight that greeted him. She was wearing red all right, but it wasn’t the usual, fancy lingerie that he kept her stocked in. Oh no, this was clearly all for his benefit, and he felt it right there where it mattered the most as he hardened further, into an achy state.

He knew she was watching his reaction, and if spellbound was what she was hoping for, then that was exactly what she got. Fuck! The lace was extremely fine, completely sheer and gossamer thin. The bra cups each had a slit right down the middle and had her tight, piked nipples poking through the openings in a blatant, sexy-as-fuck invitation.

71e

He was already drooling, thinking about the resistance those hard buds would offer his tongue. The top didn’t close in the back in the usual way either; instead the back crossed over to the front where thin elastic straps overlapped in a symmetrical pattern down her belly until they made up the edges of the panties.

He knew that his eyes changed color as his arousal grew, and he felt the filter slipping on. Now they were hungry, a stormy gray as they roamed along down the trail the pattern was guiding him on. It led his overstimulated gaze to the freshly waxed patch that was covered by the same slit as the cups above. Finally, when understanding punched through the fog of his lust, it dawned on him that she was completely open to him in spite of wearing this sensational piece of nothing.

The crisscross lines lying against her skin were extremely evocative and it took him a moment to grasp why. When he did, his heart was in his throat and the ferocious pulse he was feeling was all concentrated in a body part that now had a mind of its own. Those lines that pushed into her soft flesh left the sides around them slightly raised and mimicked the Shibari bondage style in a way that had his toes curling with appreciation. Beautiful!

He swept his hands over the red elastic along her belly and her back, fascinated, savoring the indentations it made. All the while she watched him through the veil of her hair as it cascaded down over her shoulders, anxiously waiting to gauge his reaction. He groaned, then latched his mouth onto a conveniently poking nipple as his hand dove into the open slit of the panties. Her hands were already roaming his back, foraging into his hair, unsettled, restless, keen. He knew that she was on the verge of release, and it was just the way he liked her.

He kept a supporting hand on her lower back, his seeking fingers finding her a wet and wanton mess. She threw back her head and he smiled at the trick that always had her pushing her breast deeper into his mouth. She moaned, pleasing him to no end, “Please, Christian.”

He was a fiend — he knew — but he loved her like this, begging for it, and he’d use whatever skill and ploy he could to get her this way. He sometimes wondered if she knew how deliberate he was with her, how he stoked and stoked her desire for him because he couldn’t get enough of her but also, if he was honest with himself, because he hoped it would keep her bound to him.

It was a full-time job but he lived for it, wanted nothing more than to call her satisfied and only so by his efforts — thoroughly fucked. That was another problem that she presented him with, one he never encountered with his subs. Sometimes, like now, he was so hot for her, wanted to do so many things to her, that he almost couldn’t decide where to start. That was why nights like this had become so important, just so he could work through his wish list, because one round with her rarely was enough.

He had to laugh at himself. Grey-steel was the hushed and, even he had to admit, well-earned nickname for him around the spreader bars and suspension chains of the BDSM clubs he used to frequent. He had a solid reputation for being able to stave off his orgasm, one he used to be proud of, but with a couple of words and a flimsy scrap of fabric, his wife could turn the tables on him and brand him a desperate man. These days he was more grateful for his stamina because, fuck knew, she shredded his control with an awful regularity.

Just as he predicted, she was close, and judging by her moaning and gasping, making no bones of the fact that she wanted it now. With coordinated, devastating intuition he executed three things at once. He pushed up his hips, grinding his rock-hard self into her undulating hips. Then, very gently, he pinched the lips of her sex together to trap her clitoris, rubbing them between his fingers. Lastly, he bit down on the taut point in his mouth, tugging, and dragging his teeth over the length of her nipple.

And there it was. He didn’t ask her to keep her eyes on him. He knew that this one was shuddering through her with such violent force that there was no way she’d be able to concentrate on keeping her gaze glued to his. So he just sat back and enjoyed watching the pleasure ride her body as she screamed his name and came over the fly of his slacks.

There was nothing like the sound of his name on her lips, especially in the throes of what was clearly an obliterating experience. He loved to watch her come, when she was stripped of her inhibitions, vulnerable, when her defenses were down; she was naked in more ways than one. It provided him the intimacy he craved to share with her. Also it was mind-blowingly hot. He was already freeing himself to plunge into the aftershocks of her intense ripples.

Without missing a beat and before she collapsed on his shoulder, he was inside her, slipping past the sodden folds and into the warm sheath that almost instantly brought him to the edge of a cliff he was deliriously happy to see. His intention earlier was to take it slow, but when her muscles gripped him like this he loved nothing more than to give her body what it obviously wanted — a hard and fast fuck that made full use of the cream she’d just produced.

“Hold on, baby,” he gritted, hoping that she wasn’t too worn out to listen before he stabbed into her with a gratifying thrust of his hips. It jolted her enough to get the message and he was grateful when he felt her brace herself against him. She was moaning again, hardly down and already on her way to the next wave of pleasure. That was exactly where he wanted her. Now he could move with the pistoning power their bodies demanded.

Her quick breaths at his ear were in time with his, spurring him on. As she adjusted to his punishing rhythm, she made a little room between them and ran a hand over her breasts, now boasting a fine sheen of sweat. She was being very brave tonight and he liked it, he liked it a whole fucking lot. He watched her hand slide across her damp skin, pinching a nipple as she crashed her mouth into his.

With the deep kiss they swallowed each other’s desperate noises. She, like a woman possessed, regained her strength and started riding him back, setting a pace and an angle that made him hit the end of her. Her whimpers were getting louder and he could feel her telling clench start. He applied what little reserves he had left to wait another few seconds so she could join him.

“Now, baby!” The words were ripped from his throat along with his control as he let go, soaking her with his seed as she milked him for all he was worth. Oh, dear sweet motherfucker! He felt like he was turned inside out and back again, his eyes almost making a full revolution as they rolled into the back of his head.

When they came down, she was like jelly in his arms and they were both panting hard. He managed to slide them into a lying position so they could collapse together. As always, he was reluctant to pull out of her, to break their precious union, so he kept her partially impaled and draped across him. He smoothed down her hair and kissed her head, but she only grunted in response. He understood perfectly well; he felt the same way.

It was always good between them but sometimes, like tonight, they reached a whole other level. He wasn’t sure if it was because of their deep connection or some other fortuitous thing, but he sure as hell was grateful that he went with it and shelved his plans, keeping them for round two.

He hugged her to him when she pressed her lips to his chest, touched by what they just shared. In a few moments, once they’d recovered, he’d give her the diamond necklace and then he would enjoy taking his time while he made love to her.

Be kind and review, please.

Link to chapter 72

163 thoughts on “Chapter 71 – First Valentine: Part 1

  1. Andrea says:

    Love hearing from Chistian’s POV…will you be doing that again in the future?? 🙂

    Like

  2. Diana says:

    FAN……TAS……TIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Monique……I want a Valentine’s Day like that!!!! lol You are such an inspiration to lots of people..TY so much for continuing to keep us followers on EDGE!!!! Hot Hot Hot…Great writing once again , never disappoint us, amazing….thanks again friend, Diana

    Like

  3. CG obsessed says:

    Wow, I so enjoy and love CPOV, thank you. I hope there will be more from his perspectives. I love how he loves her soooooo much! I love how you reminisce some past incidents in his thoughts. Jeez you’re a captivating writer! This was so incredibly hot, romantic and wonderful. We can all dream of this dream man too, LOL. Thank you Monique.

    Like

    • Monique Lain says:

      This is my personal fav, I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I like writing for his POV but I must be in the right frame of mind, he’s not always in my head like that. LOL! 😉

      Like

  4. Samara S. says:

    GOD, can I get some of that??? 😉

    Like

  5. Mig says:

    Wow!! Just discovered this blog and couldn’t put it down . This part actually brougt tears to my eyes.. Vey very very romantic. Waiting to read more of Cpov its fasinating especially about how he felt when he first saw her after 5 years. Thank u so much!

    Like

  6. Sue says:

    That was fantastic. I love the way you explain their love. They are truly sole mates. Was she pregnant at the time?…

    Like

  7. EvieHammond says:

    Thank you! Have I told you lately that I love you? 😉 This was wonderful — seeing into the mind of Christian makes me feel a little more at ease about the many compromises Ana has had to make in order to be with him. Still don’t see many from him — he gets everything he wants, the way he wants, when he wants, and gets healing to boot. I was so glad to see that he notices the healing effect of having her in his life.

    I love that he’s occasionally just letting things happen between them. Mrs. R. taught him to be cold, calculating, and manipulative, and often I’ve thought that it would be hard to enjoy oneself if someone were always barking out orders, instead of feeling the passion and letting it flow. But it’s wonderful that you let us see this — he had a plan of the way it would go, but put the plan aside to ride the quest of what was occurring naturally. As he noted, it’s different when there’s love in the mix.

    If I quoted all the parts I loved, I’d just reprint the chapter. Thank you so much for these, and the rest:

    Pain and pleasure, he told Anastasia once, were two sides of the same coin. He was being cocky then, luring her in with his finely honed skills of seduction but it sure as hell has come back to bite him in the ass.

    every day he made love to his wife, every time he fucked her he was immeasurably grateful … that the dirty skills he refined was ultimately used to awaken her pure sexuality and an appetite that he knew, only too well, was almost as insatiable as his own. He was a lucky, lucky bastard.

    It still shocked him, how much the child looked like him. Sometimes, when he caught his own gestures in its miniature form, it would be like a punch in the gut, a visceral reminder of his past that would then quickly be blotted out with a swamping relief that this copy of himself would never know the pain and neglect his father knew.

    Special thanks for this: He kept them (photos of her loving look) in his wallet … – unmasked only for him, he wouldn’t display it any more than he would her naked body.

    Anastasia could attest that he sometimes lost that battle but she still found it in herself to put up with him.

    He knew she was up to something, she couldn’t lie for shit – at least not to him but she maintained a careful nonchalance about the day that had him crazy with curiosity.

    The first time he made love to her, his first vanilla encounter, had taught him something that all his training never had – love made one helluva difference even though he was too dim to realise it at the time.

    And you get the LOL Award for: Grey-steel was the hushed and well-earned nickname … he used to be proud of

    Like

  8. Penny says:

    How very romantic! Great job!

    Like

  9. Noemi says:

    I LOVE IT! Sooo HOT!!

    Like

  10. chantell says:

    Wow this is good holy moly!!!!!!!!!!! Good work M.

    Like

  11. Mabel says:

    The truth I didn’t even know this was around till I started to google fifty shades and the stories popted up. I’m so happy I read it! I would just like a chapter that has Anastasia having his baby and Mia and Katherine. Omg I just don’t want it to end!!!

    Thanks again I really enjoyed it. 😍

    Like

  12. Meadow McGee says:

    Aww why was it in 3rd person?

    Like

  13. Christian obsessed says:

    Always delighted to read your story…but just a suggestion, Ana should have been blind-folded when he drives to his surprise- the house on the sounds

    Like

  14. Pam M. says:

    Whew!!! That’s HOT! Anybody got a fan I can borrow?

    Like

  15. Jrey says:

    I’m breathless! Every time I read this it’s like the first time!!! You are undoubtedly a fabulous writer!!!!

    Like

  16. Carmela says:

    Brilliant Monique. It just reminded me of how much I missed your writing. Thank you once again for your wonderful writing and sharing this story with us.

    Like

  17. Dawn Marchant says:

    Fan fiction is new to me; I came across this quite by accident and was pleasantly surprised by your writing. Having to go chapter by chapter in blog form only confirms how good it was — I couldn’t stop reading! I think a lot of your writing is stronger than what was in the original ’50 Shades’ books and I loved the scene when Ana tied Christian up in the Red Room of Pain — so very, very hot the way that is written, especially the female ejaculation!

    I have some suggestions, but not sure how this works for a writer in your world of fan fiction so please forgive me if I’m overstepping here:

    I found the 5 year gap between Ana leaving Christian and their reuniting to be out of alignment with where they would be emotionally in real life See the 5 Stages of Grief — Elisabeth Kubler Ross. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model). To me, it makes sense that they meet in Miami 3 years after Ana runs. Otherwise they will have emotionally moved on in their lives and the storyline would be different (I’m speaking from a psychoanalytical point of view). I’d have found it more congruent that Chris was a toddler of 3 years. Christian would be at the stage of depression in his grief. At 5 years I think he would have reached the stage of acceptance (within the Kubler-Ross grief model) and would have been more moved on in his life. There would thus have been a more complicated response to her reappearing in his life at 5 years.

    I would have loved more understanding about her grief experienced as during her abandonment of him; how she felt during the pregnancy and the birth and how she dealt with her day to day missing of him. It would have been a massive life event to be so young trying to cope with raising a child in her grief.

    It is hinted at that she has very deep insecurities and feelings of unworthiness eating at her all the time. I would have loved more explanation of Ana’s internal angst ….it would have been really fascinating to see what she was saying to her psychiatrist and how she was getting clarity. Her session with Dr Flynn was very believable and opening up an important insight as to why such a beautiful girl felt herself unworthy of Christian. How could anyone in her shoes cope with the intimidation of someone so beautiful, so rich and so competent? If Dr Flynn revealed insights into Christian so we understand how he views his material success then that would be interesting! He trusts Ana implicit and Dr Flynn knows why. Maybe Dr Flynn can help Ana understand why is Christian is in awe of her. Why he wants only her – why he so wants her as ‘mine’. (This has never been answered anywhere in your work or the original!!)

    Small thing — I’d be happier without the photos in the blog. I create all sorts of private ideas of how things look in my head and I find the pictures don’t match my imagination — I was actually covering up the photos with my fingers. Example: I like less muscled men then what was shown.

    I am doing some writing of my own, and my long post reflects my interest in your creative process. I think you are a very talented writer who could have sent this piece of work off to a publisher and we would have bought it on amazon!! So thanks for such a fun read!!

    Like

    • Monique Lain says:

      Hello 😉 Thank you for your feedback. I’ve learnt so much of the writing process and all the grammar issues along the way that I’m currently rewriting the earlier work to catch up with my growth, but it’s slow going. This fic is my first attempt at writing creatively. The whole point of writing in an open source like this is to get feedback and learn, so your comments are not out of place.

      As for your comments about the stages of grief. I happen to be a holder of a psychology degree and I know Ross’s work. I think the single most important thing you can ever learn in the study of human behaviour is there is no such thing as a cookie cutter theory. They all only ever apply more or less to a situation. A true textbook scenario is very rare. And none more so than this beautiful, poignant affair between these two book souls. It is, after all, an extraordinary love.

      As far as Ana and Christian is concerned, getting over the grief of their situation may have been dealt with differently (more classically according the the Ross model) had one of them died, but that is not the case here. No, instead they are separated due to a horrific misunderstanding, a searing insecurity that crippled them both emotionally, literally stunting their further growth as romantic beings. And though they would definitely have gone through a grieving process as the story stands now, for these two, there is no other. It is my sincere belief that considering the indelible love between them, neither would EVER get over the other, no matter what. Even if they managed to find another partner, that person would ALWAYS be measured to their one great love and found lacking. So the period of time is irrelevant, but happened to be chosen deliberately for the very sake of showing that, even with the great passing of time, they simply couldn’t feel whole without the half that completes them.

      As far as going into deep discussions about their thought processes and growth, either reflected through sessions with Flynn or otherwise, my feeling is that though we love these characters, crave spending time with them, we musn’t forget that this is fiction. Lighthearted entertainment concerning made-up characters. I think it’s so important not to get too invested in them, to keep reminding ourselves that their world is NOT the real world lest we start looking at the “real world” with romantically tinted glasses that no man can ever hold a candle to. I do feel, on the other hand, that I highlighted her growth; especially during the duration of the story in various ways. When you write, particularly on a chapter to chapter basis, as was the case with this story, it was very important for me to keep the chapters exciting. I needed to engage the readers EVERY time they got the opportunity to read a new chapter, but never make them feel like I’m bogging them down with too much depth and not enough progress in the story. It’s a very different experience for you as a reader who comes into the story once it’s basically done than for those readers who followed the blog updates and only got weekly or sometimes fortnightly chapters.

      The feedback I’ve gotten from the pics has always been positive so that’s a new comment to me, but again, all feedback is important and helpful, especially delivered in such a constructive manner. Thank you for that.

      Like

  18. crystal says:

    I have to say this was one of your best. People with a broken or shattered heart heal in so many different ways. The way you let Christian tell his story is so touching. This coming Feb just in time for Valentine will be the movie FSOG. Damn! I wish I looked like your picture of the red panties and bra. I would be on top of the table showing it off.

    Like

  19. MAC says:

    Awww… Home again! I saved these 2 chapters until now because I love the absolute gift you gave us all. I knew it would bring me all the way back to my Christian abyss. You are a very special lady and sharing this journey with you has been life-changing. Truly. Special friends who are now certified “film critics”, a monthly blog to sink into so we can all stay connected, and a strange feeling I get in my tummy every time I click to your page and find your messages! I hope we have also enlightened your inner “goddess” in some small way… Knowing we are for always with you ~ in a not stalking sort of way ~ 😉
    I love your writing. I love the story you wove for us and how you stayed with us on your blog even when you ended “your story” or “tried” to end it… :). you read reviews and gave us more. An epilogue still to come!!

    Now I am going straight to part 2…

    Like

  20. mel newman says:

    words fail me…….wow

    Like

  21. fanny rebellon. says:

    Querida Monique, te felicito de corazón, que manera de escribir amiga, que bello capitulo y eso que lo leí por traductor de Geogle, y aun así se lee hermoso, ansió el día que nuestra amiga Kereny traduzca todos tus capítulos. Amo de esta pareja su gran amor, por encima de cualquier barrera. Mucha gente no entiende nuestro sentimiento por Grey, pues deberían leer todo lo que ha inspirado para escribir en mujeres increíbles como tu por ejemplo. Desde el primer día ame tu fic amiga, muchas gracias por hacerlo, te admiro enormemente amiga un beso desde Venezuela.

    Like

  22. Vanja says:

    I am so glad to have found this blog. I was going throu such sad withdrawal finishing the series. This really was EXCELLENT!!!! I think you captured the characters and tone very well. You have a great gift for writing. So sad now that this is over 😢. Really hope you do some more OR write another alternative.

    Like

  23. Marie says:

    Monique, I have to say that was one of the most intense chapters I have read! His POV is my undoing.. I was in tears when this chapter ended. The love he feels for her is so overwhelming I could only cry… You have such an amazing talent. I truly thought after I read FSOG that I would never read anything this amazing again.. And you just blew it out of the park! You put EL JAMES to shame!! I am begging, pleading to never stop writing about them.. Even if it’s just once or twice a year their story needs to be told!! Never Stop, Please!! It is just a shame that you do not get paid for this. I would pay a fortune to read another chapter…

    Thank You Again,
    Marie from SLC, Utah!!

    Like

    • Monique Lain says:

      Hello Marie 🙂 What a stunning review! Wow! Now I’m the one blown away. Thank you very much. Nothing makes a writer happier than knowing that I touched your emotions 😉

      Like

  24. dblackmon says:

    This is my third read,and I loved the revisions that you made, it was as though I was reading this for the first time. The Valentines chapter was fantastic, I’m going to read it again. I hope you don’t take your blog down so that I can reread again soon. I’m sure this took a lot of time and effort for you, so thank you very much for the story. I will buy whatever you publish just to show my appreciation for your efforts. Thank you, did I mention I LOVED your story.

    Like

  25. key says:

    Omg! That was so fricken good. You wrote it just like she would have, I love the detail and just everything about it.
    Great job
    👍👍👍

    Like

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